BOSTON – WITH THE WORLD SERIES LESS THAN 24 HOURS AWAY, THE BASEBALL WORLD IS ABOUT TO BE ROCKED BY ANOTHER MASSIVE SCANDAL – THIS ONE INVOLVING BOTH TEAMS INVOLVED IN THE FALL CLASSIC. THIS TIME, COMMISSIONER BUD SELIG MAY BE ABOUT TO TURN A BLIND EYE TO THE MOUNTING EVIDENCE OF WRONGDOING.
MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL DOCUMENTS OBTAINED BY TRIPPING OLNEY SHOW SUBSTANTIAL EVIDENCE OF A CORRELATION BETWEEN BEARDS AND ENHANCED PERFORMANCES. MLB SOURCES SAY THE LEAGUE WANTS TO ADD BEARDS TO THE PED LIST.
TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, SOURCES INDICATE THAT THE BOSTON RED SOX HAVE BEEN AWARE OF THE POWER OF BEARDS SINCE LAST NOVEMBER, AND USED THEIRS AS A POTENTIALLY ILLEGAL EDGE IN THEIR RUN TO THE AMERICAN LEAGUE PENNANT THIS SEASON.
MEANWHILE, THE ST. LOUIS CARDINALS ARE CURRENTLY BEING INVESTIGATED AFTER OAKLAND ATHLETICS GENERAL MANAGER BRAD PITT – WHOM MANY ACROSS BASEBALL CONSIDER THE BEST G.M. EVER – FILED AN OFFICIAL COMPLAINT OVER POSSIBLE TAMPERING AND WRONGDOING WITHIN THE ORGANIZATION.
AS AN ADDED TWIST, DESPITE THE INVESTIGATIONS, MLB SOURCES SAY SELIG IS FULLY PREPARED TO LET ANY ILLEGALITIES GO UNPUNISHED OUT OF REVERENCE TO BOTH CLUBS, THEIR HISTORY, AND THEIR LONG-SUFFERING LOYAL FANBASES, WHICH HE CALLS “THE TWO BEST IN BASEBALL, IF NOT ALL OF SPORTS.”
NOT ONLY THAT, BUT SELIG HAS HAD MLB OFFICIALS PRIVATELY PRESSURE YANKEES THIRD BASEMAN ALEX RODRIGUEZ TO IMPLICATE HIMSELF IN THE SCANDAL BY GROWING A BEARD OF HIS OWN – A BEARD WHICH WOULD BE USED AS EVIDENCE AGAINST HIM IN HIS SUSPENSION APPEAL, DESPITE SELIG’S RELUCTANCE TO PUNISH THE RED SOX ORGANIZATION FOR ENCOURAGING SIMILAR BEHAVIOR AMONG THEIR PLAYERS AND STAFF.
SELIG, SOURCES SAY, IS EMBOLDENED BY HIS PENDING RETIREMENT AND KNOWS THAT HIS SUCCESSOR – NOT HIM – WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE FALLOUT OF LETTING THIS BEARD ABUSE GO UNPUNISHED.
THE MOST PRESSING ISSUE IS BOSTON’S. MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL IS CONSTANTLY RESEARCHING POTENTIAL ALTERNATIVE PEDS, AND IN MAY OF 2013, THEY MADE A SIGNIFICANT BREAKTHROUGH IN THEIR STUDY OF BEARDS.
WHAT THEY FOUND WAS STARTLING: BEARD USE SPEEDS UP MUSCLE GROWTH AND INCREASES STRENGTH AND STAMINA, AND THERE WERE EVEN SOME LINKS TO THEM HAVING MUTED EFFECTS ON TEAMMATES WHO DON’T HAVE BEARDS.
MLB ACTED QUICKLY, LAUNCHING AN INVESTIGATION LED BY FITNESS EXPERT AND NOTED BEARD ENTHUSIAST CHUCK NORRIS. NORRIS CONCURRED: BEARDS WERE DEFINITELY A PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUG, AND THE BOSTON RED SOX WERE TAKING FULL ADVANTAGE.
“THE RED SOX HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AT THE FOREFRONT OF A LOT OF STUFF,” NORRIS TOLD ME, NOT KURKJIAN, EXCLUSIVELY. “THEY PUT THE MONEY IN MONEYBALL. THEY VALUED OBP. THEY PLAYED IN A WASTEBASKET BEFORE IT WAS COOL. SO IT’S NO SURPRISE THEY NOTICED THE TRENDS. I MEAN, LOOK AT THE FACTS. LOOK AT THE SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS. THEY WERE IRRELEVANT FOR QUITE A WHILE. AS SOON AS [BRIAN] WILSON GREW THAT BEARD, THEY STARTED WINNING TITLES. HE LEAVES AND NOW THEY’RE DOORMATS AGAIN, HE GOES TO LOS ANGELES, THEY RUN AWAY WITH THE WEST. THE EVIDENCE STANDS UP FOR ITSELF.
“THERE’S NO CHANCE THE SOX BEARDS ARE NATURAL.”
WILSON IS ONE OF A NUMBER OF PLAYERS IMPLICATED BY NORRIS – A LIST THAT ALSO INCLUDES JOSH REDDICK, SERGIO ROMO, BRIAN MCCANN, AND JAYSON WERTH. NORRIS STATED THERE WERE OTHER PLAYERS WHO COULD BE BEARD USERS, BUT THE EVIDENCE WAS LESS CONCLUSIVE.
MLB SOURCES CONFIRMED THOSE PLAYERS ARE BEING INVESTIGATED, AS ARE BRYCE HARPER AND HEATH BELL. AS ONE MLB OFFICIAL TOLD ME ANONYMOUSLY: “IF HE HAS A BEARD, HE’S PROBABLY ON OUR RADAR AT THE MOMENT.”
THE BIGGEST ISSUE, THOUGH, IS WHAT HAS GONE ON IN BOSTON. MANY OF THEIR KEY PLAYERS HAD KNOWN OF THIS EVIDENCE BEFORE MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL CAUGHT ON AND USED IT TO THEIR ADVANTAGE, RIDING THE BEARDS ALL THE WAY TO THE WORLD SERIES. BEARDS REMAIN LEGAL UNDER THE CURRENT DRUG AGREEMENT AND IT’S LIKELY THE PLAYERS’ ASSOCIATION WOULD VEHEMENTLY FIGHT ANY BEARD-RELATED SUSPENSIONS, BUT MUCH LIKE THE STEROID ERA, MLB FACES THE UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION OF HAVING A TEAM POWERED BY PERFORMANCE ENHANCING BEARDS WIN A WORLD SERIES AND GO DOWN IN THE HISTORY BOOKS.
MLB, HOWEVER, IS SERIOUS ABOUT COMPILING A LIST OF NAMES – AND WORKING TO RECOGNIZE BEARDS AS PEDS. FINANCIAL DOCUMENTS OBTAINED BY ESPN SHOW MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL PURCHASING PRIVATE INFORMATION ABOUT HAIR CLUB FOR MEN PATIENTS. MLB OFFICIALS DECLINED COMMENT.
AS SERIOUS AS MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL IS ABOUT GETTING PERFORMANCE ENHANCING BEARDS OUT OF BASEBALL, THEY’RE WILLING TO GIVE BOSTON A PASS.
SOURCES FAMILIAR WITH THE COMMISSIONER’S THINKING SAY THAT SELIG FEELS FOR RED SOX FANS, CONSIDERS THEM AN EXEMPLARY ORGANIZATION, AND DOES NOT WANT TO PUNISH SOME OF THE BEST FANS IN BASEBALL WITH THE SPECULATION THAT WILL UNDOUBTEDLY COME WITH THIS INFORMATION.
MORE BIZARRE ARE MLB’S ATTEMPTS TO IMPLICATE ALEX RODRIGUEZ AS A BEARD USER.
SOURCES SAY MLB OFFICIALS PRIVATELY REACHED OUT TO RODRIGUEZ IN JUNE SUGGESTING THAT HE GROW A BEARD, TELLING HIM HE WOULD LOOK “RUGGED” AND IT WOULD HELP WITH HIS REHAB. THEIR HOPE WAS THAT RODRIGUEZ WOULD AGREE, GIVING MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL FURTHER EVIDENCE AS THEY ATTEMPT TO SUSPEND HIM 211 GAMES FOR HIS ROLE IN THE BIOGENESIS SCANDAL. RODRIGUEZ REFUSED, LARGELY BECAUSE OF THE YANKEES’ FACIAL HAIR POLICY. MLB’S EAGERNESS TO IMPLICATE AND PUNISH RODRIGUEZ IS AT ODDS WITH THEIR RELUCTANCE TO GO AFTER THE RED SOX FOR SIMILAR ACTIONS.
RED SOX PLAYERS AND MANAGEMENT HAVE REFUSED TO COMMENT ON ANY OF THIS. PETER GAMMONS, WHO HAS HAD SEVERAL OFF-THE-RECORD CONVERSATIONS WITH RED SOX MANAGEMENT ON THE SUBJECT, SAID “PPPPPPPPPP/////////////////////////////////////////???????.”
THE CARDINALS’ ALLEGED MISSTEPS ARE LESS CLEAR, AND A MLB INVESTIGATION INTO THEIR ORGANIZATION IS ONGOING. THE INVESTIGATION IS BELIEVED TO HAVE COME ABOUT AS A RESULT OF A PRIVATE COMPLAINT BY OAKLAND GM BRAD PITT. SOURCES FAMILIAR WITH THE NATURE OF THE COMPLAINT SAY PITT ALLEGED THAT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO BUILD A TEAM THAT WINS AS MUCH AS THE CARDINALS DO, THUS ALLEGING SOME SORT OF ILLEGAL COMPETITIVE EDGE AT WORK. WHAT THAT EDGE WOULD BE IS UNKNOWN.
PITT’S COMPLAINT WAS TREATED SERIOUSLY MAINLY BECAUSE HIS PEERS CONSIDER HIM THE LEADING EXPERT IN BUILDING A WINNING BASEBALL TEAM AND THUS WOULD KNOW IF THE CARDINALS WERE DOING SOMETHING WRONG. PITT’S TEAMS ARE FREQUENTLY FOUND LOSING IN BOTH THE ALDS AND AT THE OSCARS BUT THAT IS NOT HIS FAULT.
WHILE THE INVESTIGATION GOES ON, SELIG – AS IS THE CASE WITH BOSTON – IS RELUCTANT TO PUNISH THE CARDINALS ORGANIZATION. SELIG FEELS THE CARDINALS HAVE THE BEST ORGANIZATION IN BASEBALL AND, MORE IMPORTANTLY, THE BEST FANS IN BASEBALL. ONE SOURCE CLOSE TO THE COMMISSIONER WENT AS FAR AS TO SAY THAT “WE CONSIDER THE ST. LOUIS CARDINALS AND THEIR FANS TO BE GOD’S GIFT TO BASEBALL.”
“BUD KNOWS THAT CARDINALS FANS ARE OUTSTANDING,” THE SOURCE TOLD ME. “HE KNOWS THAT THEY ALWAYS SHOW UP AND SING NATIONAL ANTHEMS AND SUPPORT THEIR TEAM, WHO ALWAYS PLAY THE GAME THE RIGHT WAY. HE KNOWS THAT THEY CALL ALBERT PUJOLS A ‘TRADER’ OUT OF A STRANGE ACT OF LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE AND THAT THEY ARE HUMBLE AND DESERVE SUCCESS. FOR THAT REASON, HE REALLY DOESN’T WANT TO HURT THEM. THEY’RE JUST SO LOVABLE. DON’T YOU LOVE THE CARDINALS? HOW COULD ANYONE HATE THE CARDINALS? IT’S LIKE HATING PUPPIES. PUPPIES WHO ARE AMAZING, AMAZING BASEBALL FANS. YOU KNOW, BUSTER, YOU SHOULD BE A CARDINALS FAN. YOUR LIFE WILL BE BETTER FOR IT. YOU’LL PROBABLY STAND A BETTER CHANCE OF GOING TO HEAVEN.”
IT WAS AT THIS POINT THAT I HUNG UP THE PHONE, BUT THE MESSAGE FROM MLB OFFICES WAS CLEAR: THERE IS AN OBVIOUS HESITANCE TO PUNISH THE CARDINALS, NO MATTER WHAT THE INVESTIGATION UNCOVERS.
THIS LIKELY WON’T SIT WELL WITH PITT, AND MLB WILL HAVE TO WALK A TIGHTROPE: THEY ALSO WILL NOT WANT TO GET ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE BEST GM EVER AND MLB’S PREMIER TALENT EVALUATOR, ROSTER CONSTRUCTOR, AND SEWAGE CLEANER.
LITTLE IS CLEAR IN THIS STORY, BUT WHAT IS KNOWN IS THAT NO MATTER WHO WINS THE WORLD SERIES, HISTORY MAY NOT LOOK BACK UPON THEIR VICTORY FONDLY.
NOBODY ELSE FROM ESPN CONTRIBUTED TO THIS REPORT. ESPECIALLY YOU, KURKJIAN.
trippingolney 